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Correctly comfort the 3 needs of others

Treatment Table
Jul 08,2021

How to comfort others correctly?

Do you often encounter family, friends and colleagues when they are unhappy, and you don’t know how to comfort them?
Even if you really want to help the other person, you don\'t know what to do to calm him down.


In order to solve everyone\'s confusion, I summarized the three "needs" and three "don\'ts" to comfort others. I hope I can help you.



the disk of emotions dongpin treatment bed


3 "Need"



➊ Need to ask more, explore more
To comfort others, you must first understand what happened at that time. When consulting, you can ask questions based on the five elements of news, which are:

"When did it happen?"
"where is it?"
"What happened?"
"Who is there? Who is affected by this incident?"
"Why does this happen?"

In addition to exploring events, we should pay more attention to the experience of the talker, which is reflected in three aspects: thinking, emotion and behavior:







"What did you think about this?"
"How do you think he said that? The current situation reminds you of what happened before?"

"How does this matter make you feel?"
"Do you feel, humiliated, complain, angry, upset, or ashamed?"

If you don’t have vocabulary to describe your emotions in detail, you can refer to the emotion wheel in the picture. I hope everyone’s vocabulary can help us to empathize and comfort ourselves better.
the disk of emotions dongpin treatment table

"What did you do?"
"What was the reaction?"
"What are you going to do in the future?"

In this way, we as listeners have a good understanding of the situation. The talker has been soothed in the process of narration and his mind will be a little clearer. So the solution will be ready.




➋ "Need" is sincere and empathetic





The essence of empathy is to understand the other\'s feelings, to understand the other\'s emotional changes, thinking process, and even the body\'s reaction from the other\'s perspective.

Because everyone has experienced different, biological differences, it is really difficult to fully understand each other. But as long as everyone pays attention to each other sincerely and explains their own understanding, this is great. Two conventional ways for everyone:
"Because it happened... so you feel..."
"When I hear you say this, I feel..."

➌"Need" asks what the other person needs

Sometimes the other party only needs a person to listen to his own experience and cry with him, sometimes they need a specific solution. By clarifying the needs of each other, we can better meet their needs. Don\'t make assumptions blindly, just ask the other person.

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